Decaying Fantasies
by NotAfraid
Summary: Watching someone he loved waste away to a nothingness was the hardest thing Nick has ever done...[Nick and Greg Slash] ::COMPLETE::
1. Chapter One

**Author's Note**: I have to thank my ninth grade science teacher, Mr. Sherman, for being such a fighter against his own encounter with cancer and providing inspiration for this story. I wish him the best of luck in the few years he has left and I hope he lives life to the fullest.

This is my first slash story, so please excuse me if this is extremely horrible.

[Formally known as RainbowsnStars]

**v.v.v**

_Staying awake to chase a dream  
__Tasting the air you're breathing in  
__I know I won't forget a thing.  
__Promise to hold you close and pray  
__Watching the fantasies decay  
__Nothing will ever be the same._

- Muse, _Falling Away From You_

**v.v.v**

When Nick came home early from work to check on Greg - - who had been home sick while Nick pulled a double - - he found Greg sitting at the kitchen table drinking a steaming hot cup of Chai tea. But Greg never drank tea unless something was wrong.

Then Nick saw the huge bruise on Greg's bare torso from when he tried flipping over the back of their couch the other day. It was uglier than when he last saw it - - blacker and bluer, covering Greg's entire right side of his body.

But when Nick saw a pile of pamphlets laid out at his spot on the table, Nick knew Greg's doctor didn't give Greg any good news. Because the two had looked up all the worse possibilities on the web based off of Greg's symptoms and they just hoped that they had been wrong when they made the appointment with doctor at the hospital.

Greg was crying before Nick could scoop his lover up into a hug. Greg buried his face into the space between Nick's neck and shoulder like he always did and after a few seconds, Nick could feel his shirt getting wet. Nick rubbed Greg's back as he sobbed and fingered Greg's scars from the explosion ever so lightly.

"We'll get through this together," Nick whispered and could feel tears of his own sliding down his cheeks. He ran a hand through Greg's spiked mess of hair. "It'll be okay Greg. I promise."

**v.v.v**

Greg couldn't keep his composure long enough to tell nightshift that he was going in for chemotherapy treatment. Nick had to explain to nightshift that for the next six weeks, Greg would be into work sporadically and when he could - - it was really going to depend on how much of an affect the treatment took on his body.

Grissom asked the detailed and more personal questions in his office later, while he filled out a Leave of Absence form for Greg and Nick. Nick had told Grissom that I would be taking care of Greg.

"It's acute lymphocytic leukemia." And Nick had to answer all of the questions because Greg couldn't get his mouth to work.

Grissom studied their intertwined hands but only asked about the cancer. "Where are the tumors?"

"Same place as last time - - along his spine."

Greg had had the same cancer when he was fourteen and had received a very rare, new, experimental treatment and surgery and when he was in remission just weeks later, the doctors thought it had done the trick. But fifteen years later, Greg was a plethora of symptoms and both men knew that maybe the surgery had only bought Greg time and not a permanent solution.

And when Nick and Grissom were working on a case together early on in Nick's CSI career - - and just a couple of days after Greg had been hired - - and the victim had cancer, Greg had told the two about his own close encounter with the deadly disease.

Gil knew enough about Greg's first case that he didn't ask any more questions.

Nick stayed with Greg in his lab all day since it was his last day, instead of going out in the field to work a case with Warrick. And Nick didn't care anymore if people saw his and Greg's public displays of affection so thanks to Catherine who caught the tail end of a particularly romantic kiss - - which had involved a war for each other's tonsils - - and Hodges who spied on the couple all of shift, the entire lab knew by the end of shift that good ol' Texas boy scout Nicky Stokes and the crazed lab tech Greg Sanders were indeed a couple.

If you were watching close enough, you would have seen Warrick paying both Catherine and Sara ten dollars each for losing the bet.

**v.v.v**

Nick took Greg to the hospital and Greg began to cry when they handed him the hospital gown. The nurse didn't stop Nick when he followed Greg into his room for the next couple of days while he received the treatment.

Greg turned and hugged Nick once he shut the door and cried into Nick's shoulder. "Let me help you change," Nick whispered in Greg's ear and began to unzip Greg's jacket.

He took a step back and let Nick strip him of his jacket and shirt. "My hair is going to fall out."

And Nick stared at Greg and cried. "We'll take pictures and put together a scrap book, following the journey of Greg and his hair."

Greg started laughing but he slowly started to cry again. "I just want to be better."

"Me too," Nick whispered, reaching for the buckle on Greg's belt so he could finish undressing Greg. He patiently waited as Greg eased his way out of his pants - - one of the symptoms being joint pain - - and sat down on the edge of the bed so Nick could remove his shoes.

Greg reached forward and grabbed the sides of Nick's face, pulling his lover level with him. Their noses were almost touching and Greg could smell the mint in Nick's breath. "I love you," Greg said quietly, slowly pulling Nick's soft lips onto his own.

Nick pulled away to breath, and with a slight pant in his breath he whispered in return. "I love you too."

And even in the disgusting hospital gown, Nick thought Greg looked beautiful.


	2. Chapter Two

**Author's Note**: I was happy to see that this story was so well received. Here's chapter two and I hope I don't disappoint.

**v.v.v**

Only for the one he loves would Nick touch barf buckets and clean their faces of traces that they had up heaved everything ingested in the past two hours. But he doesn't just wipe away barf from Greg's face, but tears as his stomach betrays him and all he can do anymore is dry heave and gag.  
  
When Greg isn't throwing up, he's sleeping in their bed or on their couch, cuddled up in Nick's arms, head resting on his chest or in his lap. Nick watches Greg breathe and runs a hand through the young man's hair.  
  
Greg doesn't remember Sara and Catherine coming over one day before shift. He doesn't remember Sara holding his hand and telling him how lucky he was to have Nick by his side through the entire treatment and telling him how upset Nick has been because he is so scared of losing his Greggo.  
  
He doesn't remember Catherine consoling a crying Nick in the kitchen because Nick is so scared of what might happen to Greg is the chemotherapy doesn't work. How to deal with Greg being too weak to walk and Greg waking up to find locks of his hair on his pillow. How he is supposed to stay strong for Greg and himself as well.  
  
Grissom calls every day to talk to Nick about how Greg is feeling, what he looks like, what his complaints are, how much he is sleeping, how many pain meds he has taken and Grissom always asks Nick if he needs anyone to help him.  
  
Warrick stops by every three days and calls on the days in between. He brings movies that him and Nick watch and occasionally Greg wakes up for a few minutes to watch with the boys. But soon he falls back asleep and Warrick watches in awe at how much love and care Nick gives Greg as he gets him situated on the couch next to him, wrapping him in a blanket and kissing him lightly on the forehead.  
  
"You really love him, don't you?"  
  
Nick gives Warrick a smile of pure pride. "With all my heart."  
  
He even loves to hear Greg snore.

**v.v.v**  
  
Greg isn't sleeping as much any more and he goes out with Nick to the Strip at night to see shows and pouts like a child when he realizes that he will never be able to see Siegfried and Roy show. Nick has to explain to Greg that the FBI is currently investigating the attack and Greg suggests they go to a magic show instead. Nick tells Greg the story of a magician's murder he investigated a couple of years ago and Greg decides to not risk being chosen as a volunteer from the audience.  
  
Nick scoots closer to Greg in the booth and runs his hand along the inside of Greg's thigh, getting dangerously close to his crotch. Greg tries to hide the rising blush on his face as he looks at Nick with an expression that falls between 'cut that out' and 'God, I want you so bad' and Nick laughs, backing off a little and wraps an arm around Greg's shoulders and Greg lets out a sigh as he rests his head on Nick's shoulders.  
  
The night would have been perfect until Greg felt a dull pain in the small of his back. He tries hiding the discomfort from Nick, not wanting to worry him but when his face screws in pain from what felt like someone stabbing him in the same place as the pain from before, Nick noticed and began to panic.  
  
Nick grabs Greg's hand and his lover squeezes back as another jolt of pain hits his back. "I want to go home," Greg whines and tries to walk away as Nick drops $100 on the table, but doubles over in pain and drops to his knees as the pain courses down his legs and up his spine to the base of his neck.  
  
"Call 911!" Nick yells and drops to the ground beside Greg, scooping his boyfriend into his arms as Greg begins to cry.

**v.v.v**  
  
Round two of the chemotherapy started yesterday and Greg is back to sleeping all the time. But when Nick has to wake him up to take his medication, they talk for a few minutes. Greg declares one day that as soon as he was able to, him and Nick are going to go out and buy a huge fish tank and buy colorful fish and a little scuba diver too.  
  
When Greg can finally stay awake for a few hours and can walk without assistance from Nick, the two venture to Pet Smart and buy whatever fish Greg wants and they even get the little scuba diver with a pink wetsuit and Greg watches the diver float up and down more than he does the fish.  
  
At night, him and Nick sit and stare at the fluorescent light in the darkness of their family room. Greg falling asleep in Nick's arms and Nick watching the reflection of the water from the tank bounce off Greg's pale face and he smiles because this is how things should be - - Greg smiling and Nick smiling and the happy couple sharing private moments like these that make their relationship special.  
  
Nick feeds the fish for Greg when he's sleeping and even when Greg wakes up, he feeds the fish no matter how long ago Nick did. He has named them all after the other people on nightshift - - Greg let Nick pick his fish before he claimed his own and dubbed the ugliest one Hodges.  
  
Greg calls Grissom to tell him the great news and Nick laughs because he sounds like a little boy, telling Grissom all about his new pets with plenty of "ums" and "likes" to satisfy everyone.  
  
Greg is going in for his third round of chemotherapy out of seven and the night before Nick has to bring Greg to the hospital for the next couple of days, Nick tucks Greg into their bed like his own little boy. Greg's still too weak for any sex and Nick is afraid to push him even if he is.  
  
Nick stays awake and watches Greg sleep, twisted up in the sheets that fall loosely around hips. Greg rolls over and Nick sees a patch of Greg's hair stuck to the pillow.  
  
_My hair is going to fall out._  
  
Nick picks up the lock of hair and rubs it between his fingers before slipping the strands of hair into a drawer on his nightstand. He can start to see patches on Greg's head where his hair is falling out.  
  
That night, Nick cries himself to sleep.


	3. Chapter Three

**Author's Note**: I have no idea if the percentages I proposed in this chapter actually exist or not - - I just made them up. Also, I received a request that I explain how the two first got together, so here it is!

**v.v.v**

_Grissom had warned him of the case's nature and told him that if he couldn't handle it that he could work with Warrick and Catherine on their case. But Greg said that just because he himself had been blown up in a crime lab didn't mean that the next case would personally affect him._

_But the more of the case he investigated, the more his hands began to shake._

_Another crime lab on the outskirts of Nevada had an explosion which not just obliterated the DNA lab and the walls of the trace lab, but the entire building, including part of the adjacent police station. Greg said that he was able to handle it and would provide the point of view that maybe the case required._

Nick picked up the three rolls of film from the one-hour photo place and the clerk gave him a sad face. "Does he have cancer?" she asked in a bubblegum ditzy voice and Nick wanted to slap her. 

"Yeah," Nick whispered, choking on his words. "But he's getting better."

She bowed her head in either respect or embarrassment and squeaked out a small, 'I'm sorry' that Nick thought was fake and let him have the pictures without paying.

_His hands began to shake so bad that he couldn't write his final report - - an unknown chemical reaction had occurred near flammable items and caused the fatal explosion. No one was at fault and the whole incident would be ruled out as an accident. Everyone who had died had 'smoke inhalation' or 'severe burns' on their autopsy reports. _

_Greg ignored Grissom's shut door and went racing right in and up to his boss' desk, shoving his vibrating hands in Grissom's face, panicked and scared, wondering if his "problem" was going to affect his work._

_"Look!" Greg shouted and when he saw how Grissom felt just by looking at his eyes, he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at his feet. "I was getting better but this case...it was exactly like what happened to me, except worse. Instead of just blowing up the lonely lab tech, it killed people Gris - - this accident didn't just cost money. People lost their lives."_

He quietly shut Greg's hospital door and slid into his normal chair, dropping the box of photos and photo album onto the ground and reach for his lover's hand. Greg's eyes opened just enough to see Nick sitting there and he closed them again, smiling faintly. Nick brought Greg's hand up to his mouth and slowly kissed his fingertips and knuckles. 

"I'm glad your back," Greg said faintly over the noise of his heart rate beeping every second. His breathing was slow and labored, but he just finished his fourth treatment a couple of hours ago and this has been the worse yet. And Nick got upset because the treatments were supposed to get even worse and he couldn't imagine Greg making it through any more that he already had.

Nick smiled and kissed the tip of Greg's pinkie finger. "I told you I'd be back soon."

_Greg tried not to cry as Grissom asked to see his hands. He extracted them from his pockets and they shook even more as they get closer to Grissom's own and is felt like Grissom shocked him as their hands make contact. Grissom doesn't notice but Greg pulled his hands away quickly, fingers numb and that's when he noticed someone out of the corner of his eye. _

_Nick was sitting in a chair, case file in hand and mouth wide open in shock. He hadn't said anything and it took him a second to register the fact that his two colleagues had gone silent and Greg is staring at him but when he did, he began fumbling with an apology and Grissom told him to stop talking._

_"Nick, this is not to leave this room - - do you understand me?" Nick nodded his head absent mindedly and Grissom went back to examining Greg's hands, but the young CSI hasdalready fled the office and was nowhere in sight._

The doctor came in and told Greg and Nick that the pains Greg had been having in his abdomen was actually another tumor. If Greg has the tumor removed in the next forty-eight hours, his chances of the cancerous cells spreading went from seventy-five percent to five percent. The tumor was fairly small and could be removed in a quick, one hour surgery. 

Greg wasn't so sure if he could spare the energy for a surgery but Nick explained to Greg that waiting could cost him even more. Greg agreed to have the surgery the following morning.

He was wheeled in first thing Wednesday morning. Nick barely had time to go home, shower and drive back before Greg was being wheeled back into his room, even more tubes and machines attached than before and it made Nick feel sick to his stomach.

Nick pulled out a camera and took pictures of Greg asleep on the gurney, doctors wheeling him down the hall.

_When Nick left work, the shadow of the lab cast out over the parking lot and his car. That was when Nick noticed someone's shadow from atop the roof and before he even turned around, he knew it was Greg, his back to the parking lot. He was staring at the sun setting over the city, watching the Strip come to life just a few miles away. _

_Nick walked up to the roof; by then, Greg had moved to the far corner, toes hanging over the edge of the roof and hands held out in front of them, shaking worse than before. There was a shake in his shoulders that Nick noticed as he quietly shut the heavy door._

_"I never had time to be scared," Greg declared and Nick wondered how Greg knew it was him._

_"It happened so fast, I had no time to cry."_

Nick cried when Greg asked him to take pictures of the stitches on his stomach. "They look like thorns," Greg decided. "Black, angry thorns on a cactus that is slowly killing me." 

Greg was mourning his upcoming death day and Nick was upset that he was so willing in accepting his death. That he wasn't going to fight harder. And that made Greg cry.

"I already cheated death once - - no man has enough luck to beat it twice, Nick. I was ready to die fifteen years ago, so imagine my surprise when I celebrated my fifteenth birthday, a feat I had already accepted as not happening."

Both men cried until Greg's painkillers kicked in and knock him out. He gave Nick one final kiss before his eyes slid shut.

_All Greg could remember from last night was being terribly drunk. And now he was waking up in Nick's bed, wrapped in Nick's arms and only dressed in his boxers. The same couldn't be said for Nick though and Greg could tell as Nick grinded up against him._

But I'm not gay! _was what Greg's mind was shouting as he slid away from Nick's arms and silently looked for the rest of his clothes. He had always guessed that Nick hit for both teams but it was always just a joke with himself and Bobby Dawson who "had it on good measure" that Nick was indeed gay._

_Greg stopped when he was pulling on his pants when he noticed his hands and the lack of shaking. Normally, they were at their worse when he first woke up but as he watched them now, there wasn't even a shake in them from how cold he was. They were still like a lake early in the morning, untouched and quiet._

_He looked back up at Nick, who had rolled over, and smiled. Although he wasn't gay, he felt different knowing that he could wake up in Nick's strong arms every morning. It was a safe, confident feeling and instead of sneaking away from Nick's house and leaving his...well, what was Nick now?_

_Had it just been some pity fuck or one night stand? Or was there actually a relationship to come out of it? Because either Greg could continue to call Nick just a friend or colleague, or now Nick was his boyfriend, his lover._

Nick Stokes, my boyfriend _and Greg liked how it sounded when he thought about it. So he stripped down to his boxers and crawled back into Nick's bed, wrapping his arms around his new - - and first - - boyfriend._


	4. Chapter Four

Greg looks like he is dying and it hurt a lot. His chocolate brown eyes are sunken into his face, black rims around the outside. His skin is tight across his cheekbones and Greg looks a lot like a bag of bones. He has lost so much weight that Nick thought he might starve to death; gaunt looking and Nick threw up after one visit. All of Greg's hair has either fallen out or been shaved off and in place of his spiked mess is a blue beanie that only came off for showers.

He still has one treatment left and according to the doctors, Greg is showing _some_ improvement. _Some_ being the key word here. No specifics, no news of tumors totally gone from Greg's spine, but just _some_ improvement.

Greg hasn't left the hospital since his third treatment and Lindsey has taken over the responsibility of taking care of Greg's fish.

Nick eventually took up residence in Greg's room, using an extra bed that the nursing staff provided for him around the fourth treatment. Nick put up posters of Greg's favorite movies and bands and brought in his lover's PS2 and boom box, plus his favorite CDs. And just to annoy Greg, a couple of country CDs.

Greg has come to tolerate country music more than when they had first become a couple. Nick agrees to listen to Greg's horrid music if he is willing to listen to a couple of Nick's country CDs. Although Nick has never really caught onto Greg's genre of music, Nick occasionally can find Greg humming a country tune or singing a country song in the shower.

Nick hooked the PS2 up to the TV and at night, Nick lies next to Greg in his bed, arms wrapped around his boyfriend's waist, and they watch the old movies they both love so much. Greg would eventually fall asleep, his breathing becoming a little less haggard and jagged and Nick would tuck his lover into bed, planting a kiss on Greg's nose.

Then he pulls the pamphlets out from under the sheets on his makeshift bed and reads them in the light seeping in through the windows, excess from the strip. His "Leukemia and Loved Ones" pamphlets that Greg's doctor gave Nick just a week ago, when they had some scary times with Greg.

For a while, Nick thought he might lose Greg.

The CSIs come visit more often. And Catherine or Sara - - and even sometimes both - - leave in tears. They can't bear to see Greg in the condition he is in. Warrick gets angry and busted a hole in the wall outside Greg's room one time. He yells sometimes and Nick has to calm him down. Grissom tries to break it down to a science, because he can deal with science not real life but he sympathizes for Nick and gets frustrated with Warrick and provides a shoulder for Catherine and arms for Sara.

But that is when Greg is sleeping. Because when Greg is awake long enough to realize who everyone is and where he is, people put on façade and pretend to be happy and strong and insist to Greg that everything will be better soon, but like everything else, it takes time. He believes them, somewhere between the drugged haze settling over his brain and wanting to believe them, Greg listens and believes and falls asleep grinning.

Everyone who visits provides an outlet for Nick - - a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk off, a soothing to voice to reassure him that everything with be okay and a comforting hand on his back. Greg can't even lift his hand up to touch Nick's face anymore, to trace along his facial features like he used to do in the darkness of their bedroom late at night, when everything was well.

Catherine stops by the most. She always brings Nick a few things to eat, a couple of magazines to hold him over and some gossip from around the lab. Nick would explain to Catherine all of the things that Greg's doctor had told him and she would ask how the therapy was going. He said it was okay and he never directly talked about Greg, but was able to express that watching someone he loved waste away to a nothingness was the hardest thing he has ever done. The shrink understands and bills Nick once a month.

Nick works when Greg is drugged up and sleeping. He would busy himself with mindless tasks and often he is sitting in the AV lab with Archie, just watching surveillance tape after surveillance tape or talking to Bobby Dawson about how his husband and baby girl are doing. But Bobby hates talking about how happy his family is when Nick's is in so much turmoil. Nick says he doesn't mind but Bobby can see the pain in his eyes.

Grissom would send Nick to see the department shrink when he would start getting teary eyed mid way through shift.

Nick returns to the hospital just in time to wake Greg from a nightmare and hold up a bucket so Greg could throw up what little he had eaten since the last time he woke. He has to hold up Greg's frail body as he leans over one side of his bed, checking to make sure the tubes in Greg's nose don't come loose or he doesn't pull out his IV.

Always in time to hear Greg explain a happier time that he has come to only remember in dreams. Remember when he could have rough, hot, sweaty sex with Nick and shake their entire bed and when Greg could go running with Nick in the morning. When Greg could go dancing with Nick at the club and when he could go to work and gossip with Jackie while his boyfriend was out solving crimes and being a hero, which is the sexiest thing about Nick for Greg.

Always in time to wipe away the tears from Greg's eyes because he is in so much pain and the medications aren't helping and from the nightmares of dying and all that Nick can't think about is something that his older brother used to tell him, about how people dream of their death in their sleep and die before they wake up in the morning. That the death dreams are just a sixth sense and Nick is worried that Greg may be predicting his own death.

The doctor comes to talk to Greg but he is always sleeping. They have to postpone Greg's last treatment because Greg isn't recovering fast enough and performing the last treatment could do worse that good. He offers to discharge Greg so Nick can make him comfortable at home, but Greg isn't even strong enough to pull away the covers, so Nick tells the doctor he wants to stay.

But when Greg's condition doesn't start improving, his doctors became concerned.

Nick is sitting in Greg's room one night, holding his lover's hand while he sleeps, he notices that Greg's heartbeat is slowing and he feels Greg's hand going limp.

"I need help!" Nick yells desperately and he is ushered out of Greg's room when the medical personnel come rushing in. He is in tears and Nick can't even think about what to do. He can't function, can't even think about pulling out his phone and calling someone. The only thing Nick can do is drop to the floor and drop his head into his hands as Greg is rushed from his room.


	5. Chapter Five

**Author's Note**: Wow, I feel really bad about my lack of updating, but I had a hard time starting this chapter and carrying out the concept, as well as work on OWE, which is coming along miserably. Anyway, sorry again for not updating sooner.

**v.v.v**

_When you become so _**weak**_ you can't even _**cry**_, that is when your _**blood**_ becomes your _**tears**_…_

- Kaitlyn, a friend

**v.v.v**

The doctor apologizes to Nick and Sara over and over again, never bothering to go and see Greg and let the real victim and patient know what is going on. The doctor just sits with Nick in the waiting room as he cries into Sara's shoulder, telling them all the medical details that, up until this moment, had mattered. How they shouldn't be alarmed by the sudden increase in bruises or the bloody noses or blood shot eyes. That all of those were common in the dying process.

Nick wants to be the one to tell Greg. As soon as he wakes up from the anesthesia from his surgery, Nick would tell him the bad news. That all of the chemotherapy in the world couldn't save him and that Greg had less than a month to live. That at the end of the week, Nick would bring Greg home because he didn't want Greg to die in the god-awful hospital, seeing white instead of their own home. Smelling disinfectant instead of Nick's Texas chili. Hearing his heart monitor beeping instead of his Marilyn Manson or Tim McGraw.

But when Nick sees Greg, he is already crying because he knows. He doesn't need anyone to tell him officially that he is dying from the leukemia. He doesn't need to tell anyone that he was right all along, that the cancer is going to claim him this time.

Greg just let Nick cradle him in his arms, kissing him gently like he is a porcelain doll about to break, telling him that everything is going to be ok. And even though both of them knew it isn't going to be ok, they believed each other for the sake of believing something.

**v.v.v**

Greg sleeps on the fold out couch, hooked up to an IV because he can't get enough fluids in his system and his medications are becoming too big for him to swallow, since his throat is closing. He never gets up except for the bath that Nick gives him. Greg has enough energy to sit up for the duration of it all, relaxing under the warm water and washcloth.

When Greg is sleeping, which is becoming more and more often every day by seconds and minutes and hours, Nick cries to himself. He won't let Greg see him crying, won't let Greg realize that Nick gave up a long time ago, secretly, in the back of his mind. When Greg's eyes turned from brown to gray is when Nick knew that Greg's luck had run out. When he first found that lock of Greg's hair on his pillow, his spiked mess coming out in patches of brown and gold.

He didn't want to admit it and always kept telling himself that things could get better, but at the back of his mind, the inner Nick, the pessimistic Nick, knew that Greg is just a waiting game, that his death is going to happen soon - - it is just a matter of time.

Both Nick and Greg's parents came up to Vegas to finally meet each other, to see Greg. Nick's oldest brother and middle sister came up with his parents, but the rest of his siblings sent their deepest regrets and regards.

One night, two days before everyone is to return to San Francisco and Dallas, respectively, Nick and Greg were alone, in one of Greg's rare awake and attentive moments. Greg's voice is just above a whisper and Nick wanted to cry when he heard the sound of his lover's voice, a sound so near and dear to him that he couldn't hear any more.

And Nick isn't sure where it came from, and looking back years later he still isn't completely sure if he said it or not, but the next thing he knows is that Greg says that he will marry Nick. And Nick is crying because Greg wants to marry him, saying yes to one of the most precious questions someone can ask.

And the day that the Sanders and the Stokes family are to leave, they have a small, private ceremony with the CSIs and their family in their living room. Nick gives Greg a silver-gold band with their names etched on the inside and he gets and identical one to wear on his hand.

**v.v.v**

Greg became extremely ill two days after the wedding ceremony and Nick brings Greg back to the hospital only to find out that they have to take Greg off his pain medication because it is shutting his organs down faster and his body isn't able to take that kind of pressure. So they send Nick away with a pat on the back and Greg in a wheelchair.

He falls into longer periods of unconsciousness/comatose states and because Nick refuses to bring Greg back to Desert Palms, he just watches Greg all hours of the day, running on caffeine and an hour of sleep, making sure that each exhale is followed by an inhale. Checking that the gaps between breaths isn't getting much longer because right now it's too long as is and Nick doesn't think that he can watch Greg struggle to breath much longer.

The CSIs used to visit until Grissom and Nick had a long talk one day, when Grissom came by after shift; Nick had wanted Grissom to find out if Greg had fallen into a coma because he hadn't been awake for three days. Grissom had reassured Nick's worst feelings and the CSIs stopped coming once word reached the lab that Greg had fallen into a coma and would most likely never wake.

Nick finds a half used roll of film along with a new one and takes pictures of Greg. Takes a picture of Greg of what ever he can see; of every scar and freckle and even the birthmark on his shoulder that resembles the island formation of Hawaii. Of the scars from the explosion and the band-aids on his fingertips from finger pricks and a few pictures of all the meds Greg has taken throughout the treatment and one close-up of Greg's ring finger and his wedding ring.

Nick will always remember the happy and cute - - _hot is more like it_ - - and funny and smart and geeky Greg along with the dying and sick and pale and fragile Greg. And he has tons of pictures of the original Greg and wants to remember every aspect of Greg.

He tucks all the pictures away with the rest of the developed ones from the beginning of the treatment to the end and wonders if he'll ever put them into a scrap book or if it will turn out to be a box of pictures he keeps in his nightstand and pulls out when he misses Greg and wonders if it was all real. If when he looks back five or ten years from now, if he'll really believe that the cancer destroyed the most important person in his life like it did. If those infected cells really broke down his husband like it did.

Nick knew that everyone died eventually, but he didn't expect Greg's life to end so quickly and suddenly and to this day he hates God for it.

**v.v.v**

I don't know if Nevada is a state where gay marriage is legal, but let's play pretend and say that it is. Ok? I hope no one has a serious problem with this.


	6. Chapter Six

**Author's Note**: This is the last chapter. Thank you to all of you who put up with my gaps in updating and those who have reviewed.

Please be sure to read the note at the end. 

**v.v.v**

_As the years go by  
__I race the clock with you  
__But if you die right now  
__You'd know that I'd die too_

- Story of the Year, _Until The Day I Die_

**v.v.v**

Nick had a thing for dates. He remembered the exact day of the week and the date of when he was hired. Knew the date he graduated from elementary, middle and high school. What day he asked out hid first girlfriend and the day the broke up. When his first kiss was, when he was accepted to Rice University and when he graduated from there as well.

Then there were the dates like the first time he had sex with a girlfriend, his first boyfriend, first had sex with a boyfriend, first got drunk, and he remembered all of the dates with his and Greg's relationship.

When they first met at work, when they were officially a couple, when Greg was diagnosed with cancer - - again - - and when they came out to the team. When all of the chemo treatments were, when they bought their fish, when Greg was admitted to the hospital for the last time. When Greg died.

He was like clockwork. Every year he would miss the same nine days of work. Starting with the day Greg was admitted into the hospital for the last time to the day after the funeral. Then he would come back to work and wouldn't miss another day of work for the other 356 days of the year ("357 on a leap year," Nick would occasionally joke).

Nick would come back and look older. A few more lines by his eyes and creases across his forehead. His hair seemed grayer but just when people got around to asking him about it, he had color it black or shaved it again.

_"Greg didn't like it when I shaved my hair. Or colored it. He liked me like I was meant to be."_

He never let cases get to him any more but more like he accepted the deaths because it was their time to go, even if it was a brutal murder. He had started attending church shortly after Greg's death.

_"I'm not going to go all spiritual on your ass," Nick said to Warrick. "I just need someone to tell me that Greg's ok without me."_

Nick kept his determination towards his job the same - - it never wavered and Grissom never had to pull him aside and ask him what was up and why he was slacking off. It was never an issue with Nick. On any given day, most people couldn't tell that Nick had lost someone who meant the world to him - - his husband. Wouldn't be able to tell that Nick was a bundle of scar tissue, clutching onto reality with his ring finger, which still bore their wedding band.

At first, Hodges was trying to get a pot going on long it would take before Nick snapped. But the CSIs got word and, of all people, Ecklie suspended him for two weeks for inappropriate conduct and gambling on company time.

And luckily for Hodges, Ecklie suspended him before Warrick could find the little snitch and wring his neck.

**v.v.v**

_"Gregory Hojem Sanders was one of the best friends I've ever had, along with being the one and only husband I will have. He made our lab the second greatest in the country with his excellent skills in DNA testing and his passion for being a CSI. We, the night shift, were always aware that he was on the verge of greatness._

"_He was a great friend, son, grandson, CSI, DNA tech and husband. He was loved by many and missed by all."_

_Catherine and Sara gave him shoulders to cry on. They visited when they could, occasionally bringing with them Lindsay and Nick soon found out, through visits, that Sara had a boyfriend and she seemed happy. As hard as he tried being happy for her, he just couldn't smile. He hadn't smiled for close to a month._

_Grissom had him on paid medical leave and came over to visit once a week to talk shop, to keep Nick in touch with what was going on while he was gone. They had a plaque put up in the entryway of the crime lab so all who stepped foot in there would know, from now until the lab closed down years from now, who Greg was and that such a man had ever worked in the lab. Had made the Las Vegas Crime Lab second in the country only to the lab at the J. Edgar Hoover FBI building in Washington D.C._

_Warrick came by and brought movies and played video games and watched football but most times it was awkward. He was a close guy friend in Nick's life and it was hard for Nick. Because Nick not only missed Greg's romantic relationship with him, but first and foremost his friendship with Greg. And sometimes, Nick felt like he still needed to respect Greg and his previous relationship and Warrick, to him, was invading on that._

_Nick went back to work two months after Greg's death and even then, it was a struggle to get through a full workweek like he had been. Between the people gossiping and whispering and his emotional energy drained, he just couldn't do it._

_But he forced himself to get back into the routine of the way things used to be. He found that he had moved on from the denial stage pretty quickly, one that most people find hard to overcome or never overcome altogether. Or maybe he was in denial about being in denial._

_At least he was accepting Greg's death. Attending church had helped him stop being so angry. Nick used to be so angry with everyone, blaming them for Greg's death. Angry for taking Greg away from him. That he didn't deserve to die in that hospital and that Nick didn't deserve to have Greg taken away from him like that._

_But there was nothing Nick could do to take it all back. He couldn't go and change the outcome of this all. Couldn't go back to when Greg was still a child, growing up in the hospitals. Couldn't take away the pain of it all, the pain of dying._

_For now, loving was all he could do_.

**v.v.v**

Five years after Greg's death, Vegas had changed.

Grissom's eardrum burst right after year four due to an explosion at a scene. It hadn't ever fully healed, as the CSIs came to find out, since the surgery right after the lab explosion. Grissom retired and now worked at a school for the deaf, where he had worked a case so many years ago. He came by once a week and, with the use of a hearing aid, was somewhat able to communicate with his former team, which now has Warrick Brown as its boss.

And every single week, he would pull aside Nick and ask him how he was doing. Because every time he saw Nick, the Texan looked a few months older instead of just a couple weeks older. Every time, Nick would nod his head and try to smile but Grissom knew it was eating away at him.

Catherine had changed to day shift after year three and later moved to California with her new boyfriend and love of her life, James Romero. Lindsay had approved, as the nightshift, and they moved and later got married. Everyone had been invited and it was just weeks later that Grissom was forced to retire from the job that had become his life.

She had seen how painful it was for Nick to sit through the wedding ceremony and reception. Because this wasn't something he could do with his husband when they wed. They couldn't go on a honeymoon. Instead, Greg was readmitted to the hospital two days after their wedding ceremony. They wouldn't be able to cut their cake together, couldn't go on a honeymoon or celebrate the true ups and downs of being married.

Sara had tried dating Grissom around year two, after her boyfriend of a year and a half was moved to Italy for his job as a photographer for National Geographic to take pictures of the Civil War taking place. The two decided to break up because they realized it would be hard to keep in touch overseas. With Grissom, it was awkward at first, but both of them realized that Greg was a perfect example of life is too short and they might as well give it a shot. It lasted until Grissom's accident. He became distant and pushed away everyone for a while, including Sara. By the time he emerged from his shell, Sara had moved to swing shift and onto another boyfriend.

She noticed that Nick seemed to be pained by the fact that everyone was pairing up while he had yet to date anyone or even look at another guy since Greg's death. Saw the pain in his eyes when everyone was talking about dates and Valentine's gifts and anniversary dinners. Listen to the single girls at work gossip about one-night stands and free-for-alls at the club the previous day, where guys were staring at their asses and Nick would wonder when the last time anyone stared at his ass.

Warrick had become head of nightshift within twelve hours of the accident. The doctors weren't even sure what kind of damage had been done before Grissom declared that Warrick Brown, CSI Level 3, was to take over nightshift at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Although it was hard for the first couple of months, he had Grissom who came in weekly to help organize his office which they could both do in comfortable silence as well as get paperwork done and talk shop and "gossip" and reminisce about Old Vegas.

The hardest thing Warrick ever had to do, as head of nightshift, was give Nick those same nine days off year after year. Nick always came in two weeks in advance, on the very same 7th of January like always. Warrick hated seeing the look of growing despair in Nick's eyes. Of yearning to be with the man he loved and knew for so many years.

No one knew what Nick did on those days off. Didn't know if he just sat at home, or went to visit Greg's grave - - he did that once a week anyway - - or if he left town all together. Grissom, during one of his visits right before the nine-day vacation, said to Nick:

_The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone._

Though it wasn't his own quote - - Harriet Beecher Stowe originally said it - - Nick understood what it meant. He couldn't regret all the things not said and not done. He had to live with how things ended because that was all he was going to have for the rest of eternity - - memories. He shouldn't live with more regrets.

And even though, years after Greg's death, Nick still took those nine days off, coming back older and worn and eventually totally gray hair because he stopped dying it, he never regretted any of it. When someone asked if he could change anything about the ways things happened, he smiled and shook his head.

"I like what I've got. I don't want to change anything."

Hodges, though the bet was nonexistent at that point, would have lost. Nick never broke down; never lost it, never quit his job, yet never moved on.

But for him, moving on meant standing perfectly still. And he would, until the day he passed, joining Greg's soul, wherever it may have gone.

No matter what had become of their decayed fantasies and dreams and goals, that one would always be there.

_Together forever and beyond_.

Years and decades later, when Nick passed away from his own fatal meeting with cancer, everyone knew who was the first to greet him at the Golden Gates of the Hereafter.

**v.v.v**

**Author's Note:  
**So I am considering a companion piece for this story one-shot or even a couple of chapters about Nick and what he does during his nine-day vacation and maybe a little about what happened in the years after, like his own death from cancer. Would anyone be interested in reading that? Please let me hear your feedback in your reviews.


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